Mida naised tegelikult meestelt tahavad? (Ingl. k)

Eeldan, et kõik oskavad inglise keelt.


Just fucking fuck me, already.

Dear Men,

Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.

But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and drinks. We’ve gone dancing. We’ve cuddled and watched a movie. I’m wearing a low cut shirt and you’ve been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still – I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It’s not what WE want.

OK, I know it’s scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don’t think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men:

1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like “I’m sorry – you just look so fucking delicious. I’ll go slower.” Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you’re both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it’s not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU’RE the man. Act like one.

2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It’s different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you’re trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don’t know what to do, ask her. Just ask. “How do you like it?”. It’s a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she’s being all coy, ask “Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?” The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.

3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it’s not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you’re mixing a cake batter up there. It’s because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don’t be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes – I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.

4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her (”Really? Spanking? Won’t it hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking point). We know you’ve read Stuff and Maxim, and that’s all those laddie mags talk about in their “How to Please Her” sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don’t have to bend her over one knee and tell her she’s a naughty girl and that Daddy’s going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don’t worry about breaking her hip.

5. It’s OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you’re banging a woman, and she’s crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can’t even manage a grunt, she’s going to feel like an idiot. You don’t have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes “Ah!”, half grunt, half yell? That’s HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you’re in missionary position. You don’t have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she’s going to get worried.

6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you’d like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, “I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she still moaning in response? “Your tits are so beautiful.” Does that work? If she doesn’t respond well to the term “tits”, you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following:

“Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight.”
“You’re so wet – are you wet because you like the feel of my cock ramming you?”
“I think I’m going to come inside you. I’m going to fill up your little cunt.” It doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this.

If all of those work, you can then progress to things like “sexy little bitch” and “dirty whore”. Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.

6. You’re not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she’s not obligated to choke on your dick. Don’t skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush – you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.

7. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don’t want to be preggers, and you don’t want to catch anything, right? Don’t whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can’t come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we’re satisfied and it’s time for you to let loose your load.

8. We really like it when you come. It’s called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don’t assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there’s no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. “I think I’m going to come – how do you like it?” is a fair question that shouldn’t rob you of your testicles.

In recent memory, I’ve been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I’ve been… well, fucked is the wrong term here. I’ve been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I’m ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that’s who.

*New point of clarification – some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don’t mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person. **Some women have said that they don’t like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you’re in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don’t be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don’t ever do something you don’t want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous.

via Craigslist


8 kommentaari

  1. Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one!

    It’s on a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Outstanding choice
    of colors!

  2. I’ve been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if
    all website owners and blogers made good content as you
    did, tthe internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.|
    I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Well written!|
    I will immediately seize your rss feed as I can’t find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let mee recognise
    so that I may subscribe. Thanks.|
    It’s the best time to make some plans for the future
    and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this podt and if I could I
    want to suggest you few intresting thiings or advice. Perhaps you
    could write ext articles referrfing to this article. I desire to read more things about it!|
    It’s the best time to make a few plans for the future
    and it’s time to be happy. I’ve learn this submit
    and if I may I want to recommend you some fascinating issues oor tips.
    Maybe you could write next articles regarding this article.
    I want to read moore issues about it!|
    I hafe been surfing online more than 3hours ass of late, yet I never discovered any fascinating article like yours.
    It is pretty price sufficient for me. In my view, if all
    website owners and bloggdrs made just right content as you
    probablyy did, the net can be much more helpful than ever
    Ahaa, its nice conversation concerning this piece of writing at this place at this website,I have read all that, so now mee also commenting
    at this place.|
    I am sure this article has touched all the internet visitors, its
    really really pleasant article on building
    up new web site.|
    Wow, this article is fastidious, my sister is analyzing these things, thus I am going to convey her.|
    Saved as a favorite, I like your site!|
    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate yyou penning this post and the rest of the website is
    very good.|
    Hi, I ddo believe this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it ;) I am going to revisit once again since i have bookmarked it.
    Money and freedom is thhe greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.|
    Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of timees it’s hard to get
    that “perfect balance” between superb usability and appearance.
    I must say you have done a fantastic job with this.Additionally, thee blog
    loads super fast for me on Internet explorer.
    Outstanding Blog!|
    These are in fact impressive ideas in about blogging.
    You have touched some pleasant factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.|
    Everyone loves whnat you guys are up too. This sort of clever work
    and coverage! Keep up the amaziing works guys I’ve you guys
    tto blogroll.|
    Howdy! Someone in my Myspace ggroup shared this site with us so I came to check
    it out. I’m definitely enjoying the information.
    I’m book-marking and will be tweeting thbis to my followers!
    Excellent blog and xcellent design.|
    Everyone loves what you guys are up too. Such clever work and coverage!

    Keep up the fantastic works guys I’ve included you guys to my oown blogroll.|
    Hi would you mind stating whhich blog platform you’re
    working with? I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having
    a tough tiime making a decision betwee BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reaspn I ask is because ypur deeign and style seems different then moszt blogs aand I’m looking for something unique.
    P.S My apologies ffor getting off-topic but I had
    to ask!|
    Hi would you mind letting me know which
    hosting company you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3
    completely diffsrent browsers and I must ssay this
    blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a
    good internet hosting provider att a honest price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!|
    Everyone loves it whenever people gget together and share thoughts.
    Great website, continue the good work!|
    Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
    Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! However,
    how can we communicate?|
    Hi there jjst wanted to give you a quick heads up.

    The words in your article seem to be running off the
    screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something
    to ddo with browser compatibility but I figured I’d
    post too let you know. The layout look great though!
    Hope you get the probledm resolved soon. Many thanks|
    This is a topic that’s close to my heart… Take care! Where are your contact details though?|
    It’s very trouble-free tto find out any matter oon net as compared to textbooks, as I found this paragraph at thbis web site.|
    Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to
    shiot you an email. I’ve goot some recommendations for your blog yyou
    might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I lkok forward to seeing it iimprove over time.|
    Hi! I’ve been reading your site for some time now and finally
    got the courage to go ahead annd give you a
    shout ouut fropm Huffman Tx! Just wanted to mention keedp
    up the excellent job!|
    Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to check out your website on mmy iphone during lunch break.
    I love the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look
    wwhen I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your
    blog loaded on my phone .. I’m not evven usingg WIFI, just 3G ..
    Anyhow, amazzing site!|
    Its like you read my thoughts! Youu seem to understan so much approximately this,
    like you wrote the e book in it or something. I feel that you just could do with a few % to drive
    the message home a bit, but otheer than that, this is great
    blog. A great read. I will cedtainly be back.|
    I visited various web sites however the audio feature for audio songs present
    at this web page is genuinely excellent.|
    Howdy, i read your blog from time to time
    and i own a simkilar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam comments?

    If soo how do you protect agains it, any plugin or
    anything yyou can advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any support is vdry much appreciated.|
    Greetings! Very useful advice withun thos post! It is the little
    chjanges which will make the biggest changes. Many thanks for sharing!|
    I truly love your blog.. Excellent colors & theme.
    Did you build tuis site yourself? Please reply back as I’m planning to create my ownn website and want to learn where
    you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.

    Appreciate it!|
    Hello there! This post could not be written any better!
    Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continuall kept preaching about this. I’ll send tbis post to him.

    Fairly certain he’s going tto have a great read. I appreciate you for sharing!|
    Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely different topic but iit has
    ppretty much the saame layout annd design. Wonderful choice oof colors!|
    There’s definattely a great deal to learn abojt this issue.
    I really like alll the points you have made.|
    You havee made some good points there. I checked on the internet for more information about the issue and found most individuals will go along wigh your views on this
    web site.|
    Hi, I read your blog regularly. Your writing style is awesome, keep it up!|
    I simply could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the usual info a person supply on your guests?
    Is gonna be again continuously to insppect new posts|
    I want to to thank you for this excellent read!!
    I cewrtainly loved every little bit off it. I have got you book marked to lok at new
    stuff you post…|
    Hello, just wanted to mention, I liked this post.
    It was funny. Keep on posting!|
    Hello, I enjoy readingg all of your post. I like to write a little
    comment to support you.|
    I every time spent myy half an hour to read this webpage’s articles all the time along with a
    cup of coffee.|
    I all the ime emailed this blog post page to all my friends,
    since iff like to read it afterward my links will too.|
    My developer is trying to persuade me to move too .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.

    Butt he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on numerous websites for about a year and aam concerned about switching to another platform.
    I have heard good things bout blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import
    all my worpress content into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!|
    Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this webb site before butt affter going through some of the posts I realized it’s
    new to me. Regardless, I’m definitelly happy I discovered it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!|
    Great work! This is thee kind of info that are suppsed to be sharsd around the
    internet. Disgrace on Google for now not positioning
    this put uup upper! Come on over and consult with my site .
    Thanks =)|
    Heya i am for thee firt time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful
    & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something
    back and help others like you helped me.|
    Helolo there, I believ youur site could possibly
    be having webb browser compatibility issues. Whenever I take a look at your site in Safari, it looks fikne however, when opening in I.E., it’s goot some overlapping issues.

    I simply wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Aside from that, woonderful website!|
    Somebody necessarily assist too make critically articles I’d state.
    This is the very first time I frequented your web page aand to this point?

    I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual post incredible.

    Excellent process!|
    Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and
    I to find It really useful & it helped me ouut much.
    I’m hopiing to offer something again and aid others like you helped me.|
    Hello there! I just wish to give you a bigg thumbs up ffor the excellent
    information you’ve got riight here on this post.
    I will be returning to your web site for more soon.|
    I always used to study post in news papers but
    now as I am a user of net thus from now I am using net
    for posts, thanks to web.|
    Your method of telling everything in this article is genuinely pleasant,
    every one be able to without difficulty be aware off it, Thanks a lot.|
    Hello there, I discovered your blog by way of Google while
    searching for a similar matter, your website came up, it seems good.
    I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, simply turned inmto aware of your blog through Google, and found
    that it is truly informative. I am gonna watcfh out for brussels.
    I will be grateful should yoou proceed this in future.
    Numerous people might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!|
    I aam curious to fnd outt what blog pllatform you are using?
    I’m experiencing some small security issues with my latest blog and I woulod like to find something more secure.
    Do you have any recommendations?|
    I’m really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?Either way keep
    up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to seee a great blog like this one nowadays.|
    I am extremely impressed togetther with your writing abilities and also with the
    layoht inn your blog. Is this a paid subject matter or did you customize it your self?

    Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is uncommon to peer a great weblog like this one nowadays..|
    Hello, Neat post. There’s a prblem akong with your web site in web
    explorer, may test this? IE still is thee market chief and a good portion of folks will pass over yohr great writing because of this
    I’m not sure where you are getting your information, but
    goodd topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
    Thanks for wonderful information I was looking for this
    information forr my mission.|
    Hello, i think thwt i saww you visited my website thus i came
    to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to improve
    my web site!I suppose its ok too use a few of your i\

  3. When a gene disrupts the functioning of proteins to perform a particular function, it
    can disrupt normal development and pose medical problems.

    Inside truth Twitter has enjoyed your 180% boost in cell phone users within the last year.

    Facebook users have had a hard time getting online today as well, and even Live Journal is under threat.

  4. I just want to mention I’m new to blogging and site-building and certainly loved this blog. Probably I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You actually come with superb article content. Thanks a lot for sharing your website page.

  5. Hi there to every body, it’s my first go to see of
    this web site; this web site contains remarkable and actually excellent stuff
    designed for readers.

  6. Hi, I do believe this is a great web site. I stumbledupon it ;) I’m going to return yet again since
    i have book marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest
    way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.

  7. {
    {I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.

    {It’s|It is} pretty worth enough for me.
    {In my opinion|Personally|In my view}, if all {webmasters|site owners|website owners|web owners} and
    bloggers made good content as you did, the {internet|net|web} will be {much more|a
    lot more} useful than ever before.|
    I {couldn’t|could not} {resist|refrain from} commenting.
    {Very well|Perfectly|Well|Exceptionally well} written!|
    love you post

Leave A Reply